Would You Do This to get the Job You Want?

So what else can you do to get the right job?

 

Thousands of recent graduates are still looking for the kind of work that their degree was designed for. Sadly, many are still doing the lower paid less skilled jobs they had when a student.

One approach that can be of benefit is arranging an internship with a business or organisation. This is where you spend usually between one and three months with the business, working for free (though some do pay travel/lunch expenses).

The objective to acquire some real business experience to add to your academic knowledge and to practise work based skills that your university course may not have prepared you for.

A recent successful example I came across was a young lady who had graduated twelve months previously. She was still working in the retail business she had when a student but knew that this was not what she wanted for a career. The opportunity for an internship in a company directly related to her own aims came up and she had a difficult decision to make.

The internship was in London and she was based in Manchester so taking it meant moving south and finding somewhere to stay as well as giving up the safe job she currently had. Fortunately she was able to stay with relatives and so she took the brave decision to leave the existing job and move.

She had researched the new company and found they had a good track record of dealing with internship employees – they did not simply see them as unpaid labour!  She thoroughly enjoyed the range of experiences the new post gave her, especially in terms of her soft skills such as presenting and networking with new people.

After two months she heard through a former fellow student about a relevant post back in Manchester. She applied and got the job, attributing her success directly to her improved communication skills along with the fact she was able to speak about real business details, rather than just textbook stuff.

The lesson here for anyone looking to start or change jobs is that sometimes we need to take a chance. We also need to make sure our networking skills and practice are good and of course that we can speak with confidence at the various stages of the recruitment process.

Often people think of “public speaking” simply as giving a formal presentation to an audience but of course it also includes speaking at interviews, at problem solving exercises, in meetings and at seminars, to name but a few situations.

These may not be taught at university or college and so many young people simply don’t have the chance to develop them.  One good source of help is Toastmasters International (www.toastmasters.org) and many students would benefit from becoming a member while still studying.

Another source is a specialist coaching and mentoring service such as TalkBuddy so if you know anyone who’d like help in developing their speaking skills for business then put them in touch.  eugene@talkbuddy.co.uk  www.talkbuddy.co.uk . Our next workshop details can be found HERE

Walk Tall

I was sitting on my terrace on the Island of Korcula in Croatia recently and some thing was nagging away at me.

I knew I was noticing something but couldn’t see what it was until eventually Eureka, I figured it out!

I’d been idly (it was a holiday after all) watching people walk by on the opposite side of the sea inlet and what  was different was the posture and carriage of the young people out for a walk. By young people I mean teens/early twenties and without exception they walked tall and proud. Not quite marching, they strode along in groups, talking laughing etc and that’s what had troubled me. It was such a contrast to the gait of so many young people in our own country.

I don’t know whether it’s the better climate, different education, more sport and exercise or whatever  but those young people certainly conveyed a very positive attitude to life, purely through the way they walked and held themselves.

So what’s this to do with speaking in public? Well I’ve noticed some speakers approach their speaking position using body language that simply screams “I’M TERRIFIED”! Short nervous tentative steps, scared eyes darting all over the place, shoulders hunched and constant fidgeting all send the wrong sort of message to your audience. An especial fault is starting to speak without standing still and without making eye contact with your audience.

One thing I suggest to clients for this part of their presentation is to walk to their speaking point and stand still for an internal count of four while looking round the audience.  This is not as easy as it sounds because the walk has to convey confidence and a willingness to communicate. Not to mention  the difficulty of  standing still in silence when your whole being is wanting to get on with it! But as with many aspects of speaking in public, it’s simply a matter of practice.

Can I end this edition with a couple wee plugs? Firstly there are still some places left for our Networking Skills Workshop on Friday 31^st August in Dundee. You can find more details and bookonline here: 
http://www.eventbrite.co.uk/org/2396259214

Finally the TalkBuddy website is being redesigned and you can see this at www.talkbuddy.co.uk

Eugene

Eugene@talkbuddy.co.uk

I Can’t Do This (pt2)

Following on from my previous post, here are some more questions that have been asked about speaking in public. Remember, if you’ve any other queries about this then just get in touch with Eugene of TalkBuddy

Questions about Public Speaking Part Two

Question             My problem is “impromptu” speaking like on a phone call or in a meeting when I’m asked a question. I panic and never know what to say.

Answer                One reason we panic is that we believe we have to have an instant answer. That’s not the case and you can create thinking time for yourself by doing a number of things. You can repeat or rephrase the question; you can check that you’ve understood the question by saying what you think it refers to and getting an answer; you can even pause of a few seconds – this often gives the impression you are a thoughtful person!

Question             One of the things that really worries me when I’m doing a talk is that I might be asked a question I can’t answer. How do I handle that?

Answer                First of all remember that most questions are asked because the questioner is checking their own understanding so they are a positive event as they show people have been listening! You should always repeat the question in a way that lets the whole audience hear it. The rule is” take the question from the questioner but answer the whole room.”

If you don’t know the answer be honest about it. Sometimes someone else in the audience will know it so let them answer. If not then tell the questioner you’ll find out and get back to them – don’t forget to get contact details at the end!

Question             Should I use PowerPoint or similar presentation software?

Answer                This is a subject that deserves a whole section to itself. The main thing to remember is that you only use it to supplement or enhance what you are saying. Images that are relevant to your ideas can be very powerful. Avoid at all costs simply putting bullet points on a screen and reading them out.

Question             Should I use notes and if so what form should I have them in?

Answer                The main thing to remember about notes is that they act as a memory jogger to keep your talk well structured. If you write out your entire speech almost certainly you will use the wrong type of language – too formal, sentences that are too complex etc – so it won’t sound right. In addition you almost certainly will start to read from it and will thus lose eye contact with your audience.

There is not one single form of notes to use – it depends on individual preference – but the most common are:

• Mind map
• Postcard sized pages of stiff paper or card
• Single A4 sheet with headings.

Don’t forget to use a text size you can read at a distance and unless your handwriting is really clear I would recommend typing.

Question             When should I have questions? At the end or during my talk or what?

Answer                                This depends on the type of talk you are doing but the main thing to consider is how the asking of questions will affect your control of your talk.

If you allow questions at any time you run the risk of having a very disjointed presentation.  I always advise NOT to have questions as your final element – that should always be a reminder of your key idea.

Question             Should I memorise my talk or read a script?

Answer                                Memorising puts huge pressure on the speaker and means you’re concentrating on trying to remember rather than on communicating with your audience. There’s also a risk that you sound as if you are simply reciting something. If you’ve prepared properly you will know the ideas you want to communicate and the words will come naturally – but I would always advise having some form of notes.

Question             What should I do with my hands?  Is it OK to wave them about?

 

Answer                                Your hands are as much part of your body as are your legs! Just as you can plan and control your leg movements and posture you can do this same for your hands.  The key is to appear natural but the starting point is to think about how you want your hands to behave at different points in the presentation. Once you’ve a picture of this rehearse until the gestures come naturally. This is one reason why preparation takes a long time!

I Can’t Do This! (pt 1)

Over the years the same sort of questions about public speaking crop up. So as a change to my normal article I thought it might help to publish these.

I’m going to publish them in a number of sections so as not to overpower you with lots of info!

If you have a question about speaking that isn’t answered here then get in touch with TalkBuddy at eugene@talkbuddy.co.uk

Questions about Public Speaking Part One

Question             I’ve been asked to speak for ten minutes about my section of the company at our annual meeting.  How long should I allow for preparation?

Answer                As a general rule TalkBuddy™ suggests allowing one hour per minute of a talk. That’s right – a 10 minute talk will take you about 10 hours to prepare properly. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that because you know what you’re talking about you can just sort it out the night before!

Question             Thanks to a frozen vocal cord I have a very weak voice which seems to “wear out” as the day goes on and I struggle to be heard above any room with a lot of background noise. How can I deal with this?

Answer                Believe it or not having a quiet voice can be an advantage.  Often an audience will really focus on what you are saying in order to hear properly. This can happen too if the speaker has an unusual accent.  But I would take some practical steps, especially if as in your case there is a physical cause.  Let the organiser mention it in the introduction and take advantage of any sound system that is available.

Question            I have a real dread and apprehension in the hours before I do “live”  events or workshops. How can I control this? I’m OK once I start

Answer                First of all, feeling nervous is natural – I’ve been speaking in public for many years and I still get a tremor before I start. But you’ve answered your own question – if you know your stuff you’ll be OK.  Most people feel scared because they haven’t prepared or practised properly. Working with a coach or a friend can really help here.

Question             I know my subject well (I work in IT) but when I’m speaking I get the impression people aren’t interested. They should be!

Answer                It’s a sad fact of life but not everyone sees a subject the same way. A speaker can, however do a lot to help make her/his talk effective. It’s important to remember that HOW we say things is as important as what we actually say. Try this little test. Say the word “yes” in a way that shows you’re really excited about what’s been said. No say the same word to show you’re not really very sure about what’s been said. Hear the difference?

Question             I worry a bit about my accent. Should I try to change the way I speak?

Answer                We all speak differently in different situations, both in the kind of words we use and the way we say them.  The onus is always on the speaker to make sure she/he is understood so if your accent prevents this then you should modify it. This isn’t changing you as a person – it’s simply giving you another communication tool.

Question             I’ve been told I have to speak for no more than ten minutes. How can I judge the time?

Answer                The answer is that you will know how long to speak because you will have practised properly. And that means saying you talk out loud and directing it to a point outside the normal personal zone. Some people rehearse in their head but this can never give you an idea of timing. It also means you miss out on hearing yourself speak so you don’t notice the bits that aren’t working.

Don’t Wear the Yellow Tie!

I was a wee bit miffed when colour consultant Edith Adam gave me that advice. Especially as it was just as I was about to speak at a business lunch!

You see once there’s a little doubt in our mind about how we’re looking it can affect our self-confidence and that in turn can affect how well we communicate with others.

In Edith’s case she was quite right as I later realised when going through my mirror inspection: with the other clothes I was wearing and my natural colouring, blue looked much better.

The experience got me thinking about how important (or not) appearance is when we’re out and about. And judging by the fuss over how people were dressed at Royal Ascot with the creation of a “Fashion Police”, I’m not the only one who has views on that as this extract from the Work Etiquette website
http://www.worketiquette.co.uk
suggests.

Work etiquette isn’t always about the way we say and do things and how we behave. Wearing the ‘proper’ clothing is also a major part of correct work etiquette. These days however, the word ‘proper’ can be perceived very differently from one company to another and, even within companies themselves; they can often take a different attitude to work attire depending on various circumstances, for example, the day of the week – e.g. ‘dress down Fridays’. Industries, too, often have very different expectations about what constitutes proper work attire.

For example, people in IT, creative roles in the media and sometimes those working in marketing will often be able to get away wearing very casual attire in the office, whether that’s substituting a polo shirt for a formal dress shirt and, in some jobs, even jeans and shorts in summer might be perfectly acceptable. Then, there are those occupations such as banking, accountancy and law where you’d probably be sent home if you weren’t wearing a business suit so the first point to make when it comes to etiquette in office attire is that it will vary based upon the different workplace ‘cultures’ that are out there.

The Different Standards

When it comes to considering the appropriate clothes to wear for work, it basically helps to separate the options into 3 categories – casual, smart casual and formal business/professional. Let’s look at these 3 categories in more detail.

Casual

This would normally constitute the type of clothing that you might wear on a daily basis if you were not in work. Therefore, T-shirts/sweatshirts and jeans and denim skirts might be perfectly acceptable. Likewise, trainers or sandals might equally be fine. However, even within this least formal dress policy, there are still some unwritten ‘rules’. For example, many companies are perfectly happy to let you wear T-shirts as long as they’re not football or rugby tops and they don’t have large logos ‘statements’ on them. Women, in particular, are often asked not to wear any skirts that are too short or tops that reveal their midriffs. Even things like vest tops can be OK in one company but frowned upon in another. The basic guidelines to follow would be to wear what you might wear around the house of a weekend, as opposed to what you might choose to wear if you were out ‘nightclubbing’. In fact, because a completely ‘casual’ dress policy can mean so many diverse things to different people, you should find out exactly what you can and can’t wear rather than taking a chance.

Smart casual

The policy of ‘smart casual’ was adopted in response to many workers who often felt that traditional formal business wear, in terms of the environment they worked in, was not strictly necessary for the type of role they were carrying out and that they would feel more comfortable (and, therefore, would be more productive), were they to be allowed to get rid of the suits and ties and to wear something a little less restrictive. Many businesses were keen to accommodate these requests but they also needed to ensure that the work environment still looked professional in case clients or other customers were to pay a visit. Therefore, they introduced a ‘smart casual’ approach to work attire which they hoped would meet both aims. Smart casual wear today can include polo shirts worn with conventional trousers and skirts, i.e. no denim or short skirts, short-sleeved shirts with no tie or perhaps a jumper or a cardigan over a blouse for a woman instead of a jacket or, if appropriate, a casual summer dress. A typical environment where you might see smart casual attire worn would be a call centre.

Formal Professional Business

Regardless of changing trends, the formal professional business ‘look’ is still the most heavily featured in the office environment even these days. It will consist of a suit with a tie (or at least a blazer, conventional trousers or skirt), and conservative footwear such as dress shoes. You’ll find this dress code still prevails in many industries and even in those where some individual companies might adopt a less formal approach. However, in areas such as law, banking etc., the formal approach is still mostly mandatory.

Unless your place of work insists on a uniform which, after all, makes things a lot simpler, the best way of ensuring that you’re conforming to the etiquette of office attire is to take your cue from when you go to the interview – i.e. take a look at what others are wearing. However, if in any doubt, you should always ask what the dress code is before you start working at a new company as you won’t want to feel the odd one out and, if you’ve invited to an interview, either ask what the dress code is or err on the side of caution and adopt a conservative approach. After all, first impressions count and you can always dress down later if that’s more appropriate.

So what are your thoughts? Does the sight of someone with stained and well-worn jeans at an early morning business breakfast put you off? Or do you regard it as just sensible work wear. Are there differences between men and women in terms of the importance they give to their business appearance? Comments welcome.

Oh and if you’d like to attend a workshop to help your networking skills you can find details HERE

Remember the Iceberg

No – not another Titanic anniversary reminder!

But it is a reminder of sorts – to allow plenty of time to prepare and practise your presentation.

You see many of my clients are surprised when I tell them of the “Iceberg” rule for putting together a talk or presentation.  Just as only 10% of the iceberg is above the waterline, the time spent delivering your talk is only a fraction of the time you have to spend on it in total.

I usually use the simple equation: one minute equals one hour. So if your presentation is to be 10 minutes long you should spend about 10 hours on your preparation.

Now this may seem a lot but when you consider that this time includes clarifying your purpose, researching your audience, brainstorming, organising your ideas, creating a structure and last but not least practising you can see where it all goes.

Oh and that last point – practice – is the key bit.  I’ve lost count of the number of speakers I’ve heard who clearly haven’t spent enough time practising. You see if you don’t practise you can’t get an accurate sense of timing.  But even more importantly, you need to actually say it out loud. Only when you hear yourself speaking can you tell whether it sounds right. And at this point you need to trust your own judgement.  If it doesn’t sound right to you then it probably won’t sound right to your audience.

So the next time you’ve a talk to do and think you’ll put it together the night before remember it might not all be plain sailing. (Ouch!)

Remember the iceberg!

So we’re delighted to welcome………….

“So we’re delighted to welcome……..”

The words that will still send a wee shiver down the spines of most speakers!

And unfortunately all too often the next minute or so will create a negative effect on your audience.

We’re all familiar with the idea that first impressions count – think of going for an interview – and yet we often overlook the importance of these opening seconds when we’re giving a presentation.

Here are some simple steps you can take to make sure you take your audience with you right from the start.

1         Before you actually walk up, take some deep breaths. This will ensure you have enough air in you to produce the volume you want and it will also make you feel bit relaxed.

2         Walk to the lectern or wherever with a pleasant smile on your face and in a confident manner. Look around your audience as you walk. It’s not a daft idea to practise this walk!

3         When you get to your position stand still – this signals to your audience that you are taking control. Pause for a count of 3 or 4 and look around. The silence also reinforces your authority.

4         When you speak take especial care with the end of your sentences. Often we drop our voice here but if you are mentioning something important – your business name or the subject then you need to make sure your listeners can hear it!

5         In your opening words make sure you signal to your audience what is to come.

6         Many people find it helpful to memorise their opening words (but not your whole talk). It’s certainly a good idea to practise it out loud.

Our next blog will look at how to manage your preparation time..

http://www.talkbuddy.co.uk  info@talkbuddy.co.uk

Some Tips for New Networkers

Networking for New Starts

Some thoughts on the wonderful world of networking from TalkBuddy™

You’ve done it! You’ve started your own first business and now you’re ready to get out there and tell the world about it.

And so you go along to your first networking event and………..

………you realise you’ve no idea what to do or how to behave. And what’s more you’re sure everyone else there will be experts!

It’s a feeling many of us have had so we’ve put together some tips about how you can manage the situation so that you WILL be a successful networker and gain the business relationships you’re looking for.

1. Who to Talk To?

It can be pretty intimidating to enter a room full of people who all seem to know each other and are chatting away. This is where you can use some knowledge of body language. Look at how the people in a group are standing in relation to each other. If a couple are standing directly facing each other the chances are they are having a conversation that they don’t want to be interrupted. If, on the other hand, they are standing at an angle it’s a sign they would welcome someone to join them

Similarly if it’s a group of three, look to see if they are standing in a closed triangle pattern or a V shape. If the former leave them to it; if the latter go across and join them.

2 What to Say for Openers

Think about some openers you can use to strike up a conversation and then follow-up questions once the first bit of talk has ended – after a couple of minutes you’ll soon start feeling relaxed and will probably be able to ditch the one-liners and freestyle instead. Effective openers are often open-ended questions which gives the person you’re addressing the opportunity to reply with more than just ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Try openers like these –

• This is my first time at one of these events, what are they like?
• I see XXX is giving a talk later on, do you know what topics he’ll be covering?

Or, instead of using the situation you’re in as the starter, you can use something about the person you’re addressing. It’s best, though, to keep this as innocuous as possible as you don’t want to offend anyone from the off! Maybe they’re holding a book you’ve read – that’s a great way in, or perhaps they’re eating something you haven’t tried so you could ask them about that.

Try to avoid opening with ‘nice weather today isn’t it?’ as this requires minimal input from the person you’re addressing and most people can’t think of a quick response when it comes to a topic as dull as the weather.

4. Listening and Follow Up Questions

Once you’ve found your way into a conversation things should start to flow more easily. However, as a fall-back you can always rely on questions like, ‘So tell me a little more about…’ and ‘you mentioned you did such-and-such, how did that go?’ Basically, instead of worrying about what you should be saying, the best thing to do is to concentrate on other people. That way, they’ll think you’re the friendliest and most interested person out there and you’ll get to know plenty about them, and whether you could work together in the future. Obviously though, at some point you’ll need to start talking about yourself and this is where you’ll need to prepare.

5. Once You Get Going…

You’ve listened to what everyone else has to say and now people are asking you what you do. Cue: the pitch – this is definitely something you should practise beforehand. Start your planning by identifying three key things about your business that you’d like people to know.

Your pitch should be short, succinct and honest. Don’t blow your own trumpet more than it needs blowing and neither should you give yourself a hard time. If you’ve achieved something in your work recently, slip it into the pitch naturally but don’t go on and on about it. Your pitch should ideally be about 20-30 seconds long (now that doesn’t sound too hard does it?!) – explain what you do, who you do it for, what you’re working on, and possibly what you’re hoping for in the future.

Remember that people’s attention span is limited so don’t give them your life/business history. If you can finish with a question then that should at least let you know if the other person has been listening!

6. Moving On

While you shouldn’t try to speak to everyone in the room, all conversations must end at some point so don’t be afraid to hand your business card over, thank the person for their time and then move on.  It’s not like a party where the other person may be offended – networkers expect to have several conversations.

7. After the Event

If you made some useful contacts, don’t leave getting in touch to a few months later when they’re more likely to have forgotten you. Simply, drop them an email a day or so after the event to say how much you enjoyed talking and that hopefully you can do business in the future. It’ll be appreciated and it will help jog the memory of the recipient and keep you at the forefront of their mind.

It’s a good idea to jot down on the back of their business card the details of the event – it can be a way of starting the conversation if you meet them again.

Many business people will have created a database or contacts list – update it as soon as you can.

8. And Remember….

Keep these thoughts in your mind:

1. I will enjoy this event and have some real fun
2. I plan to talk to 3 new people and gain 3 new pieces of information or gossip
3. Get myself in the right state. …AND NOT “A RIGHT STATE”.
4. Everyone here wants to network. They want to meet me just as much as I want to meet them. The chances of rejection are tiny.
5. I’m a decent and likeable person; I believe in myself and, in my area I have much knowledge and expertise.

TalkBuddy™ offers advice and support to help business people talk more effectively and has special packages for new businesses. Eugene Clarke can be contacted at eugene@talkbuddy.co.uk

Know Your Audience

Audiences! What Do They Know?

Many years ago when I did my first presentation to Czech businesses at the Chamber of Commerce in Prague I was stunned to experience almost complete failure. The material I was using had been very effective with other, apparently similar groups of business people. What had gone wrong? I hadn’t given enough thought to my audience.

Most inexperienced speakers will start to prepare their talk by working on their content. They’ll scribble ideas on their pad and play about with mind maps to get their structure right. And then they’ll practise until they’re word perfect. And then they discover that their speech or presentation has gone down faster than last year’s banking shares!

The reason for this is quite simple: they’ve forgotten about their audience! So here are some questions to ask yourself about your audience before you start to prepare your speech. You might think these are a bit pointless but just think – if you had been talking about, social media to an audience of businesses that didn’t know much about the topic, would you then give exactly the same talk to a group of people who were experienced users? Of course not!

So here are Five Questions To Ask About Your Audience.

1    Who are they?

What’s the age/gender make up? How many will there be? What sort of businesses are represented? What do they have in common?

2     How knowledgeable are they?

What do they already know about your topic? How much do they know? Will they understand any jargon you use?

3      What do they already feel about your topic?

Are they going to be receptive, neutral or negative? Will they be worried about what you have to say?

4      What are their main concerns?

What would they say if asked why they were there?

5       What style of talk are they expecting?

A talking head? Lots of hand-outs? Interactive? Formal/Informal?

So next time you’re planning a talk of any sort – THINK AUDIENCE FIRST.

And if you’d like to discuss this further just get in touch with eugene@talkbuddy.co.uk

Eugene

Dealing with Difficult Conversations

Difficult Conversations

Some suggestions for dealing with awkward communication situations.

“Difficult” conversations are not simply the preserve of the manager or HR professional; in fact they’re certainly not restricted to the work situation at all.

Topics such as poor relationships, failure to meet others’ expectations, holding people responsible and even “taboos” such as hygiene or dress have to be addressed in many contexts and tend to be similarly challenging irrespective of who is initiating the conversation or what the context is.

There are, however, three steps that we can take which make these conversations less intimidating and more likely to meet their aim:

Step 1   Establish CLARITY

Often when we’re faced with someone behaving in a way we want to change, we react to it in a very subjective way so that we confuse our FEELINGS about the issue with the issue itself. This in turn reflects itself in the language we then use.  We need to take care to separate our feelings from the issue. For example, instead of saying: “You’re not doing your work for this project on purpose because you dislike me” you can say: “I need this project to get finished and your participation is crucial. Can I count on you?”

Similarly our feelings often result in a choice of words that simply expresses a general dissatisfaction rather than being specific enough to let the other person what the problem is. For example, instead of saying, “Your communication skills are poor – you need to improve them” try “Spend a little more time listening and paraphrasing our client’s needs”.

Step 2   Avoid AVOIDANCE!

Human beings are very good at not doing things we don’t want to do and we often use rationalisations to convince ourselves we are right to avoid the conversation.  Common ones include:

• Procrastinating without a clear rationale. (Can’t do it today – it’s Friday and it’d spoil the weekend)
• Delaying the important conversation. (We’ll discuss this at your annual review)
• Allowing short-term improvement to overrule longer term issues. (They did come in on time today so maybe……)
• Focussing on minor “symptoms” rather than the wider problem. (Here’s another spelling mistake. And another…..)

Step 3   Deliver the MESSAGE DIRECTLY and SENSITIVELY

Again we need to consider very carefully our choice of language here.  We should aim to AVOID language that is:

Direct but Insensitive – “People don’t like you and you have to get better at working with others or else”

Also to be avoided is language that is:

Indirect but Sensitive – “Have you thought at all about how you interact with others?”

Unsurprisingly we should use language that is:

Direct AND Sensitive – “Working with other departments is key to our success.  I received feedback that others are having difficulties working with you and we need to explore how to change that”

When we are choosing our words we need to be very careful not to strike an inappropriate tone such as ordering, warning blaming etc and one way to help with this is to use “I” statements rather than “You” statements.

For example instead of saying:

“You are continually late and you show up for meetings unprepared”

say:

“I have noticed that your meetings aren’t as effective as the rest of the team’s and I want to discuss how we can improve them. What do you think is important for an effective meeting?”

As with all forms of communication, preparation is essential for dealing with difficult conversations. Before raising the topic take time to reduce your emotional take on the topic and consider it objectively. Prepare in detail the context in which you will raise the matter. Spend time on your choice of language – even practise saying different versions out loud.

None of the above will make handling a difficult conversation enjoyable but if you follow the suggestions then dealing with a recalcitrant teenager or poorly performing colleague will be managed much more effectively.